It's come to my attention that I've never indulged in that most popular form of internet self-expression, the top 10 list.
By coincidence, I also happened to view this video, wherein the Nostalgia Chick polled young female creatures on their favorite animated men and then ranked the results according to popularity.
That's all well and good, thought I, but these are all presumably women who actually like men. What about women who aren't sexually attracted to dudes - how would their rankings of fictional, illustrated males play out? My curiosity aroused, I toddled off to talk to all of the lesbians I know.
Then I remembered that I don't personally know any lesbians (at least that I care to talk to) and immediately sat back down again.
As far as my own sexual preference goes, it's complicated. I'm about as interested in men as I am anybody else, which is to say, not at all, unless I'm experiencing some altered state of consciousness (con raves count as drugs, right?) However, if I was the kind of person who went around having indiscriminate sex, it would be entirely with women, because breasts are awesome, I already have a fair amount of vagina-handling experience, and hair bondage doesn't really work with the amount of head-hair most guys possess. Since this officially makes me the gayest woman I know, I figured it more than qualified me to write such a list myself, and after a bit of giggling and soul searching I finally sat down to compile....
hako's Top 5* Most Attractive Animated Guys, From the Point of View of a Chick Who Doesn't Really Like Guys.
*I'm only doing five because I really couldn't think of any more than that. Y'know, since I don't particularly care for them and all.
Seriously. Like, for real, seriously, if I was over 40 and living in Japan in 2030 and had maybe been divorced and had my heart broken already but wanted a nice, honorable someone to spend the rest of my life with? Oh yeah. Chief Aramaki is the man. He is just such a badass I don't even, and besides that, he's a fantastic boss and an even better human being. He's the kind of guy who answers the "what's your greatest flaw" question on job interviews with "I work too hard" and is deadly serious, and I want to cuddle him for it. Him and his hair.
This is of course in the alternate universe where I don't want to be the Major's spoiled-rotten live-in girlfriend.
He's a bit of a dick, depending on which continuity you follow (I tend toward the anime because that's what I saw first), but there's just something really likeable about the Colonel. He's ambitious. He's a supportive team leader. He looks really good in a uniform. He's an asshole to the protagonist, whom I can't stand. He pretends to be a womanizer, but in reality he's been hung up on the same totally amazing girl since he was in his teens. He has PTSD. Also, did I mention that he looks really good in a uniform? 'Cause he does.
I have this sick, unhealthy thing for woobie characters. Y'know, the ones you just want to pick up and snuggle because bad things keep happening to them. Fuse is kind of like Roy, only since he doesn't have the comic relief team, the ambition, or the kick-ass love interest, all that's really left is the PTSD, and hoo boy. Basically the entire point of this movie is that God hates this guy and wants to screw him over as much as possible, and he's done absolutely nothing to deserve it. I have no idea why I find this so attractive.
When I was in 8th grade and feeling the influence of hormones for the first time, I had this ungodly crush on Yoh Asakura. Really, I was terrifying. I plastered my wall with pictures of him, I wrote his name on my hand every day until it didn't come off in the shower anymore, and he even inspired my very first crappy 12-year-old forays into erotic fanfiction. Then I grew up a little and realized that his dad was totally where it was at.
It's really hard to pinpoint what I like about Miki; when you get down to it, he's not exactly the best dad on earth (although he's far from the worst), and he's such a space cadet that he'd probably be a pretty miserable domestic partner too - you'd be forever nagging him to do simple stuff like take out the trash or unload the dishwasher. And yet, there's something about his space-cadet-ness that just fascinates me. I could see myself sitting down for long, rambling conversations about completely random stuff with him, then leaning back together to look up at the sky and point out shapes in the clouds. While he may not have been there for his kids (or at least the one who didn't burn his face off) all the time, he comes through when he's needed, and does so like a total boss. Also, I dig ANY man who can so effectively rock the glasses-ponytail-guitar* trifecta.
*glasses and guitar not pictured. Trust me, they exist.
I figured I should at least give a nod to Bri before I go on to #1, because without him, #1 probably wouldn't exist. Briareos is basically the proto-#1; more reserved, more emotionally scarred, and lacking a face. Not that his cyborg kit isn't cool, especially with those bunny ears. Unfortunately, he would eventually be upstaged by his mark 2...
You think you're a great guy? That anybody would be lucky to have you? Think again, because you are not Batou and you never will be. Batou is the kind of man who is just so wonderful that the universe would not be able to contain his existence. He's strong, funny, masculine, intelligent, kindhearted, and manages to be oddly attractive despite not having eyes or eyebrows (though I think the ponytail helps in this department.) He's got the whole PTSD aw-I-just-wanna-cuddle-him thing that I love so much going on. He has been hung up on the same godly force of a woman for at least a decade, despite her veritable airport checkout counter of emotional baggage and the knowledge that she regularly screws around with a lesbian couple in her off hours. Better still, he channels his devotion to said woman into offering her support instead of just harassing her for a commitment; he loves her so much that he's basically content to be the best friend, because that's what she needs from him. I don't care how many dinners you've bought or prepared, how many shoulders you've offered for the absorption of tears, or how lenient you are when it comes to choosing date activities -- you are not anywhere near as good a love interest as Batou.
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("MOTOKOOOO!")
So there. I'd write a list of my top 10 girls, but a.) I'd probably stretch it out to like 32, and b.) I'd cram the first 31 into maybe a paragraph and then go on about the Major for nine pages. And nobody wants to read that.
Actually, I think it would be cool if you posted your favorite women too.
ReplyDeleteHow can you hate Edward Elric?
ReplyDeleteHe sacrifices all of his power to save his brother's life.
Lemme guess. You can't stand that he could live honestly, stick to his ideals, make progress toward achieving them and still end up alive and happy.
Perhaps you're just too much of an asshole to see that he's not impossibly perfect.